How to Choose a Direction That Truly Helps You Evolve
The quality of your goals: when what you want takes you away from yourself
Some goals look wonderful.
They shine so brightly that they almost blind you.
They capture your attention, pull your gaze towards them and, without you realising it, begin to occupy your entire field of vision.
At that point, something subtle happens: you no longer see life around you.
You only see the goal.
And this does not happen because you are “weak” or “not centred enough”.
Quite the opposite.
It often happens to determined people, to those who are hungry for growth, to those who do not want to settle.
The problem is not your strength.
The problem is the hypnotic effect of that “magnificent” goal you have set for yourself.
In my experience as a coach, some goals, if they are not chosen with balance, can become a refined form of losing direction: they make you move forward, but not necessarily towards yourself.
Goals are part of the map of your life
If you want to understand how much goals really matter, try a simple experiment: look back at your life.
The goals you have pursued — and especially the ones you have achieved — are a very clear trace of how your story has unfolded: relationships, work, signatures, moves, financial choices, identity choices.
In other words, up to this point, your goals have not been only “things to do”.
They have been levers that shaped your reality, step after step.
Goal after goal.
And this is exactly where an often neglected point comes into play: it is not enough to have goals.
What matters is their quality.
And even more, the quality of your choices.
Maybe there are no real failures, but there are certainly expensive goals
Many phases of our lives do not depend only on us.
They are also shaped by external events, contexts and unforeseen circumstances that are objectively outside our control.
But there are also many moments when we are the ones who choose a path, push, insist and try to achieve something we want.
And sometimes we do this blindly.
We want it at any cost.
And then, perhaps, this happens:
You get it… and realise it does not represent you.
You get it… and the price you paid suddenly feels too high.
You get it… and feel that it has taken you away from what truly matters to you.
At that point we often say:
“I failed.”
But the truth is different.
You collected data.
You learned something.
You met the costs.
“Learning from mistakes” is true.
But it is a pity to design life as if crashing were always necessary in order to understand.
Intelligence lies in preventing some crashes, not in justifying them afterwards.
A goal is not only a business thing
When we talk about goals, many people immediately think of performance and professional results.
But the most decisive goals are often different:
- buying a home;
- starting a family;
- changing job or city;
- saving money for three years while giving up a lot;
- ending a relationship;
- starting a personal project;
- choosing who to share your life with — or not;
- signing a contract.
Let me repeat this: these are not only “activities”.
They are structures that make up — or will make up — the architecture of your life.
And precisely because they are not simply important, but fundamental, they deserve a different question from the usual one:
“How do I achieve it?”
Before that, it is useful to ask:
“What kind of goal is this?”
And above all — this is the most important question I offer you:
“Who will I be inside this goal? Who will I become?”
This question takes you away for a moment from the “shiny advantages” and brings you back to yourself.
The most common mistake: choosing with only one brain
In my work, I often use a very simple key: the three brains.
Every goal is “read” by three centres of bodily intelligence:
Head: logic, strategy, calculation, prediction.
Heart: meaning, deep motivation, value, connection.
Gut: instinct, protection, visceral truth, the sense that “something does not feel right here”.
There is no brain that is “better” than the others.
Each one has its own characteristics and role.
The point is different: problems arise when one centre takes command and silences the other two.
That is where the quality of the goal decreases, because the quality of the choice has decreased.
And often you understand this only later, when the cost appears.
When only the head dominates
Perhaps the goal is perfect on paper: numbers, growth, reputation, stability.
But inside, you feel dull.
There is no emotional energy.
No enthusiasm.
Only duty.
This is a serious signal.
Rationality can build great things.
But it can also build very elegant prisons.
When only the heart dominates
Here the goal is full of meaning, inspiration, desire, perhaps even love.
But there is no structure.
No sustainability.
No boundaries.
And you risk burning out for “something beautiful”.
When only the gut dominates
Here the goal may become reactive: proving something, winning, beating someone, redeeming yourself.
This is not necessarily “wrong”.
But if it is guided only by drive and urgency, it often takes you to a place where you arrive tired, hardened and not very free.
Signs that a goal is taking you away from your true direction
There are fairly reliable indicators that I use during my sessions.
Here are some very concrete ones:
- you become more obsessed with the result than with who you are becoming in the process;
- you have been sacrificing fundamental things “just for a while” for too long;
- you are losing important relationships and normalising it;
- your body is sending signals — tension, insomnia, agitation — and you ignore them;
- there is a part of you saying “no”, but you silence it with brilliant reasoning;
- you feel alive only when you are “making progress”, but empty when you stop.
If you recognise yourself in any of this, it is not a verdict.
It is an invitation to review the quality of the goal and the questions you are asking yourself in relation to that goal.
Do you see how some goals move you forward, while other goals hurt you?
Three questions for choosing more balanced goals
If you have a goal right now, you may be tempted to ask yourself comfortable questions, designed to produce confirming answers.
Try these three instead.
Head — What consequences does it create?
If this goal becomes real, what will concretely change in my daily life after six months and after two years?
Heart — What kind of person does it ask me to become?
Does this goal make me more coherent with what truly matters to me, or does it take me away from what I love?
Gut — What does my body say, without words?
If I imagine signing, accepting, starting… does my body open or close?
Do not look for perfect answers.
Look for honest ones.
Real ones.
Why people often arrive in coaching after the crash
Many people come to coaching when they have already paid the price.
They have crashed inside a project.
Or they have achieved something and no longer recognise themselves.
Or they find themselves living a life that looks successful on the outside and feels empty on the inside.
Very often, underneath, there is the same mechanism: a goal chosen — or maintained — with one dominant centre, at the expense of the other two.
The good news?
You can recalibrate.
And often you do not need to throw everything away.
You need to realign.
A simple invitation — but one that requires commitment
If you want a goal to truly help you grow, do not simply set it.
Question it.
Not only with your head.
Ask your heart.
And above all, listen to your gut — that more visceral part of you that often speaks quietly, but sees far.
I would dare to say this:
A good goal is not the one that shines the most.
It is the one that, once achieved, leaves you more alive, freer and more coherent.
Do you have a goal that shines very brightly, but something inside you is not fully convinced?
Bring it into a session.
We can work online or in person.
Often, it is enough to bring the three centres back into dialogue to recover direction.
I wish you good reflections.
And above all: good listening to your three brains.