{"id":1865,"date":"2026-01-13T15:21:16","date_gmt":"2026-01-13T14:21:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.giancarloviano.com\/eng\/?p=1865"},"modified":"2026-05-13T15:21:35","modified_gmt":"2026-05-13T13:21:35","slug":"when-your-goal-hypnotises-you-how-to-choose-a-direction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.giancarloviano.com\/eng\/when-your-goal-hypnotises-you-how-to-choose-a-direction\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Goal Hypnotises You: How to Choose a Direction"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Choose a Direction That Truly Helps You Evolve<\/strong><\/h1>\n

The quality of your goals: when what you want takes you away from yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Some goals look wonderful.<\/p>\n

They shine so brightly that they almost blind you.<\/p>\n

They capture your attention, pull your gaze towards them and, without you realising it, begin to occupy your entire field of vision.<\/p>\n

At that point, something subtle happens: you no longer see life around you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You only see the goal.<\/p>\n

And this does not happen because you are \u201cweak\u201d or \u201cnot centred enough\u201d.<\/p>\n

Quite the opposite.<\/p>\n

It often happens to determined people, to those who are hungry for growth, to those who do not want to settle.<\/p>\n

The problem is not your strength.<\/p>\n

The problem is the hypnotic effect of that \u201cmagnificent\u201d goal you have set for yourself.<\/p>\n

In my experience as a coach, some goals, if they are not chosen with balance, can become a refined form of losing direction: they make you move forward, but not necessarily towards yourself.<\/p>\n

Goals are part of the map of your life<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you want to understand how much goals really matter, try a simple experiment: look back at your life.<\/p>\n

The goals you have pursued \u2014 and especially the ones you have achieved \u2014 are a very clear trace of how your story has unfolded: relationships, work, signatures, moves, financial choices, identity choices.<\/p>\n

In other words, up to this point, your goals have not been only \u201cthings to do\u201d.<\/p>\n

They have been levers that shaped your reality, step after step.<\/p>\n

Goal after goal.<\/p>\n

And this is exactly where an often neglected point comes into play: it is not enough to have goals.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What matters is their quality.<\/p>\n

And even more, the quality of your choices.<\/p>\n

Maybe there are no real failures, but there are certainly expensive goals<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Many phases of our lives do not depend only on us.<\/p>\n

They are also shaped by external events, contexts and unforeseen circumstances that are objectively outside our control.<\/p>\n

But there are also many moments when we are the ones who choose a path, push, insist and try to achieve something we want.<\/p>\n

And sometimes we do this blindly.<\/strong><\/p>\n

We want it at any cost.<\/p>\n

And then, perhaps, this happens:<\/p>\n

You get it\u2026 and realise it does not represent you.<\/p>\n

You get it\u2026 and the price you paid suddenly feels too high.<\/p>\n

You get it\u2026 and feel that it has taken you away from what truly matters to you.<\/p>\n

At that point we often say:<\/p>\n

\u201cI failed.\u201d<\/p>\n

But the truth is different.<\/p>\n

You collected data.<\/p>\n

You learned something.<\/p>\n

You met the costs.<\/p>\n

\u201cLearning from mistakes\u201d is true.<\/p>\n

But it is a pity to design life as if crashing were always necessary in order to understand.<\/p>\n

Intelligence lies in preventing some crashes, not in justifying them afterwards.<\/p>\n

A goal is not only a business thing<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When we talk about goals, many people immediately think of performance and professional results.<\/p>\n

But the most decisive goals are often different:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • buying a home;<\/li>\n
  • starting a family;<\/li>\n
  • changing job or city;<\/li>\n
  • saving money for three years while giving up a lot;<\/li>\n
  • ending a relationship;<\/li>\n
  • starting a personal project;<\/li>\n
  • choosing who to share your life with \u2014 or not;<\/li>\n
  • signing a contract.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Let me repeat this: these are not only \u201cactivities\u201d.<\/p>\n

    They are structures that make up \u2014 or will make up \u2014 the architecture of your life.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    And precisely because they are not simply important, but fundamental, they deserve a different question from the usual one:<\/p>\n

    \u201cHow do I achieve it?\u201d<\/p>\n

    Before that, it is useful to ask:<\/p>\n

    \u201cWhat kind of goal is this?\u201d<\/p>\n

    And above all \u2014 this is the most important question I offer you:<\/p>\n

    \u201cWho will I be inside this goal? Who will I become?\u201d<\/p>\n

    This question takes you away for a moment from the \u201cshiny advantages\u201d and brings you back to yourself.<\/p>\n

    The most common mistake: choosing with only one brain<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    In my work, I often use a very simple key: the three brains.<\/p>\n

    Every goal is \u201cread\u201d by three centres of bodily intelligence:<\/p>\n

    Head:<\/strong> logic, strategy, calculation, prediction.<\/p>\n

    Heart:<\/strong> meaning, deep motivation, value, connection.<\/p>\n

    Gut:<\/strong> instinct, protection, visceral truth, the sense that \u201csomething does not feel right here\u201d.<\/p>\n

    There is no brain that is \u201cbetter\u201d than the others.<\/p>\n

    Each one has its own characteristics and role.<\/p>\n

    The point is different: problems arise when one centre takes command and silences the other two.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    That is where the quality of the goal decreases, because the quality of the choice has decreased.<\/p>\n

    And often you understand this only later, when the cost appears.<\/p>\n

    When only the head dominates<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    Perhaps the goal is perfect on paper: numbers, growth, reputation, stability.<\/p>\n

    But inside, you feel dull.<\/p>\n

    There is no emotional energy.<\/p>\n

    No enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

    Only duty.<\/p>\n

    This is a serious signal.<\/p>\n

    Rationality can build great things.<\/p>\n

    But it can also build very elegant prisons.<\/p>\n

    When only the heart dominates<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    Here the goal is full of meaning, inspiration, desire, perhaps even love.<\/p>\n

    But there is no structure.<\/p>\n

    No sustainability.<\/p>\n

    No boundaries.<\/p>\n

    And you risk burning out for \u201csomething beautiful\u201d.<\/p>\n

    When only the gut dominates<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    Here the goal may become reactive: proving something, winning, beating someone, redeeming yourself.<\/p>\n

    This is not necessarily \u201cwrong\u201d.<\/p>\n

    But if it is guided only by drive and urgency, it often takes you to a place where you arrive tired, hardened and not very free.<\/p>\n

    Signs that a goal is taking you away from your true direction<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    There are fairly reliable indicators that I use during my sessions.<\/p>\n

    Here are some very concrete ones:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • you become more obsessed with the result than with who you are becoming in the process;<\/li>\n
    • you have been sacrificing fundamental things \u201cjust for a while\u201d for too long;<\/li>\n
    • you are losing important relationships and normalising it;<\/li>\n
    • your body is sending signals \u2014 tension, insomnia, agitation \u2014 and you ignore them;<\/li>\n
    • there is a part of you saying \u201cno\u201d, but you silence it with brilliant reasoning;<\/li>\n
    • you feel alive only when you are \u201cmaking progress\u201d, but empty when you stop.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      If you recognise yourself in any of this, it is not a verdict.<\/p>\n

      It is an invitation to review the quality of the goal and the questions you are asking yourself in relation to that goal.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Do you see how some goals move you forward, while other goals hurt you?<\/p>\n

      Three questions for choosing more balanced goals<\/strong><\/h2>\n

      If you have a goal right now, you may be tempted to ask yourself comfortable questions, designed to produce confirming answers.<\/p>\n

      Try these three instead.<\/p>\n

      Head \u2014 What consequences does it create?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

      If this goal becomes real, what will concretely change in my daily life after six months and after two years?<\/p>\n

      Heart \u2014 What kind of person does it ask me to become?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

      Does this goal make me more coherent with what truly matters to me, or does it take me away from what I love?<\/p>\n

      Gut \u2014 What does my body say, without words?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

      If I imagine signing, accepting, starting\u2026 does my body open or close?<\/p>\n

      Do not look for perfect answers.<\/p>\n

      Look for honest ones.<\/p>\n

      Real ones.<\/p>\n

      Why people often arrive in coaching after the crash<\/strong><\/h2>\n

      Many people come to coaching when they have already paid the price.<\/p>\n

      They have crashed inside a project.<\/p>\n

      Or they have achieved something and no longer recognise themselves.<\/p>\n

      Or they find themselves living a life that looks successful on the outside and feels empty on the inside.<\/p>\n

      Very often, underneath, there is the same mechanism: a goal chosen \u2014 or maintained \u2014 with one dominant centre, at the expense of the other two.<\/p>\n

      The good news?<\/p>\n

      You can recalibrate.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      And often you do not need to throw everything away.<\/p>\n

      You need to realign.<\/p>\n

      A simple invitation \u2014 but one that requires commitment<\/strong><\/h2>\n

      If you want a goal to truly help you grow, do not simply set it.<\/p>\n

      Question it.<\/p>\n

      Not only with your head.<\/p>\n

      Ask your heart.<\/p>\n

      And above all, listen to your gut \u2014 that more visceral part of you that often speaks quietly, but sees far.<\/p>\n

      I would dare to say this:<\/p>\n

      A good goal is not the one that shines the most.<\/p>\n

      It is the one that, once achieved, leaves you more alive, freer and more coherent.<\/p>\n

      Do you have a goal that shines very brightly, but something inside you is not fully convinced?<\/p>\n

      Bring it into a session.<\/p>\n

      We can work online or in person.<\/p>\n

      Often, it is enough to bring the three centres back into dialogue to recover direction.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      I wish you good reflections.<\/p>\n

      And above all: good listening to your three brains.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Some goals push you forward, while others take you away from yourself. Explore signs, examples and three questions to help you choose a more coherent direction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1585,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,110,111,6,1,114],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","category-eventi","category-life-coaching","category-nef","category-senza-categoria","category-workshops"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Your Goal Hypnotises You: How to Choose a Direction - COACHING TORINO & NEF\u2122\u00a9<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some goals move you forward, while others can hurt you. 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